i am ashamed of myself for this one reason

i am way too straightforward nowadays


i am not good at saying things behind people's back
but i am so good at blurting words out on the spot


sometimes, or most of the time
words i said sound very radical
which in fact
after spurting them off
whatever feelings i had before faded away just like that
when i got up the next morning, i didn't see the reason why i should have become that verbal


i should learn from mistakes
mistakes of being too straightforward
i must, actually


i used to be very much self composed of a person.
no one would ever know how i feel
no one would ever guess what i think
unless i told them
even if i told them, some would doubt that i could spare such a feeling for something, or someone


i wonder where has my old self lost to.
please come back, oldie selfie
i miss u very much
and i need you now and forever.

forgetting is relieving

in before, i would never feel proud of this feeling of mine

i couldn't help myself but having this strong unlike feeling for this one particular figure.

she is not a public figure but a student figure la kot

since she is a lecturer.

i always think that she teaches lousily, like, the worst lecturer i ever had.

her voice is soft and monotonous those in third and the next rows shall struggle to be able to listen to every patah dan kata from her clearly

she answers questions with questions

she doesn't provide feedback to quizzes and assignments

even if she does, they must never be positive

she is bias (there are obviously some favourite students)

she is idealistic (not flexible) probably because she never really experienced a job of a teacher

i have the feeling that she doesn't like me

whenever someone beside me talks to me, she will look at me as if i am the one at fault

padahal i'm not someone who likes to talk to classmates when a lecturer is in front pon

i prefer to doze off, though

i think she is selfish

so basically, i dislike this figure much

however, after meeting her personally (with another friend) in her office this morning for some 'so called' consultation. (padahal nak g mintak balek this one last semester's assignment. yes, she has been teaching us since last semester), i have got myself new perspective for her

i found her not that bitchy terrible of a person, not that

she sounded sincere while giving advices to us

she actually marked our assignments (i doubted it all this while)

she returned our test papers (maybe after some/a lot of complaints)

so anyway ok la tu kan?

yeah, from today's moment, i think she is not that bad of a person, not that

she is just someone, like everyone else, with strengths and weaknesses

and i feel relieved

very much relieved.

though i have been sparing dislike for her all this while

at some points, i tried to convince myself that there is no way she has no bright side within her

you see, i don't like to dislike others

do you get it people?

having a negative feeling towards others is not a good feeling.

having a good feeling for others is pleasant. very pleasant.

and now

i think i have begun to forget parts of her dark side

Love or Lost?

have you ever loved and lost somebody?
wished there was a chance to prevent something
from happening
can't you see,
that's the way i feel
about you and me, baby

have you ever felt your heart was breaking
looking down the road you should be taking,
rather than taking the road that ruined everything?

human vs mistakes

mistakes are to be corrected,
not to be repeated
sins are to be repented,
not to be reiterated.

there is no place like home

Is it true?

Can someone give assurance of this?

from pancakes to EPO

Though just had a homemade pancake tower, I still feel like eating something else. OMG what kind of lust is this?!

But lust remains a lust. I couldn’t afford to go out alone under this burning hot weather, waiting for the bus to go to somewhere around the town just to search for foods.  Or, if not boarding a bus, I will have to walk around the neighbourhood area and grab some foods. But no!

It’s too hot and I’m too too lazy to go out of the house. What more with these recently growing pimples. I noticed that these pimples started to grow last week after I went out with the bus going to Sunway Pyramid. The weather was as hot as today. It’s been awhile I didn’t use public transport and now, I don’t feel like using it anymore. Waiting for the bus under Malaysian temperature will just kill me, or my skin. Only recently some friends said my skin looks better. I think it’s because of not waiting for the bus for a long time because once waiting for it, my skin is ruined.

So for the time being, I think I am best staying under the roof for my skin to recover soon.  And for the acne, I think it’s because of me stop consuming EPO too. It’s not that I purposely stopped but my supply has finished.  If previously I didn’t notice the goodness EPO brings to me, now I have to admit it helps my skin looks better. And for the menstrual cycle too.

Live or Learn

Some people exist in your life for you to live with

and some, for you to learn from

since there is no way we can live together

so please, teach me good darling

Rasa tak sedap hati

Have you had such feeling sometimes? I have been having the feeling the whole day.

Since after Baim sent me home after we were having lunch at Maksu’s, I keep thinking about the rest of family members, Pak and Akak especially. I was kind of worried about them so I texted both Akak and Pak. Akak didn’t reply my msg until after hours later which making my worries heightened. I called Akak. It was a noisy background I heard then, they went to Pak Lang’s was my first thought. Then Akak’s voice sounded somewhat anxious.

Akak: you know, our car was being broken! We were robbed during tahlil at Mak Njang’s! They stole Mak’s handbag!

Me: oh, really?

(The conversation went on for about 4 minutes)

I was surprised but as usual, I couldn’t express feelings well. The surprise too faded away very fast. Perhaps because I can accept things as the way it is. There must be a reason behind the incident. Although we could have lost few thousands, it should be a lesson to be learned so that we would become more careful in the future. Never ever leave your handbags and valuable stuff inside the car alone ok!

No wonder I have been feeling tak sedap hati all day..

Life Long Learning

I purposely opened a Maybank account for the sake of using it for online shopping. You know, most online sellers they are doing transactions using Maybank. So, without wanting to further bother my friends and my father for using their accounts to do money transferring, I decided to have my very own Maybank account. Well, why should I be using others’ accounts? Can’t I just cash deposit to anyone’s account without having to have an account? Yes, I can. But usually, the price of things you are buying will not be in a fixed number like 10, 50, or any amounts which you can use RM10, RM50, or RM100 notes. Some sellers said they will return the balance, I once believed it but in my case, she did not return the balance. Lucky it was only RM1 balance. She said she forgot it. Another forgetful seller did not include a necklace which I should be getting as a free gift upon buying a blouse. The price you have to pay when doing online shopping, receive no balance or incomplete set of items you bought.

However, since I opened my own account, I only did one money transfer transaction I guess. I just did not feel like buying things online anymore. Until last week, I decided to buy a blouse from an online boutique so I went to the nearest ATM in order to do money transfer. I tried for more than 5 times I think, but the machine kept saying that my PIN is incorrect. I returned home, relaxing the mind. Then I remembered that I saved the pin somewhere, I checked it. Nahh…no wonder lah.. I really have entered the wrong PIN and I was so confident that it was the correct one that I didn’t bother to check it first. Well, now that explains how long I have not been using the card.

So this afternoon, I went to Maybank PKNS. I actually had the feeling that the branch does not cater to all transactions of Maybank and I was confirmed about it once I passed the door and took a queue number and sat down on a bench with other queuers. It was a very bright afternoon and I had to take another bus to go to another Maybank branch which is at Section 18, Shah Alam. Since I just arrived at PKNS, I did some walking around there and bought super cheap Cadbury Zip for RM2.99 per packet at Sri Kota. I bought two packets of them and would want to buy many other things but considering the fact that I have to go to Section 18 after that, I wouldn’t want to carry those things with me along the journey. Besides, Section 18 has Giant and Mydin too though I will only be going to Giant, as usual. Macam kesian giler plak nak bawak brg byk2 dr PKNS ke 18 then ke 17 pulak an. Now I feel like having my own car. Don’t know why but since carrying the title third year student, I feel poor at myself for still having to board public transport. I had the money to pay for the down payment but, I would feel terrible to ask parents to pay for the monthly debt. Sigh.

Alright, so I went to Section 18, had lunch first, Mcd, of course. Then to Maybank. So many people but if I’m not mistaken, they were withdrawing money from BSN. New service from Maybank? Nevermind.

As soon as I entered the bank, I had to deal with the front counter officer first since she will be giving the number and stuff. I still don’t get it why this branch do not have a more advanced system, I mean using the machine which gives queuing number to customers. The front counter officer was quite unfriendly in facial expression, intonation and choice of words I might say. As I told her my card has been blocked, she asked me to fill in a form which applying for a new card. I was curious, wouldn’t it be any easier solution to just unblock my card instead of applying for a new card? She said no. Alright, I followed her instruction since she was the boss then LOL.

My curiousity answered when the akak who entertained me at the counter said she will unblock my card in a minute and asked me to try it immediately and yeah, it worked! =) thx akak Farah~ da la comel, baek hati plak haha. Lebey2 plak an aku puji.

Da alang2 tu, aku pon tanya pasal Maybank2u, cana nak register and stuff. I did what she told. Now I have Maybank2u oredi. No need to go to ATM anymore. With Maybank2u, any transactions could be made from your home. Dah cam promoter dah haa..lupa nak apply scholarship Maybank aritu lol.

However, I still haven’t made any transaction using Maybank2u since I am having problem getting TAC number. I thought I wouldn’t receive it since I have been waiting for quite some time so I requested for many times. Now all the numbers have expired since we have to enter the number while we are still logged in to Maybank2u.. =(

Learn How to Make Real Jokes, Please.

Some people don't know how to make jokes

yet still, they try to

making jokes people can't comprehend

yet offensive

triggering the anger of people

who are not in a stable state of emotion

i better avoid these people

because my mood swings up to 360' these days.